


Gateway : Before The Opening

by JaybieJarrett



Category: Original Work
Genre: Dark Magic, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, F/M, Gen, Mind Games, Witchcraft
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-02-10
Updated: 2013-09-24
Packaged: 2017-11-28 21:09:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 15,600
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/678916
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JaybieJarrett/pseuds/JaybieJarrett
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A young online college student  deals with balancing his studies and looking after<br/>his seven adopted siblings while trying to keep his family’s biggest secret- that his mother<br/>practices the dark arts.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Curiosity Killed the Cat

**Author's Note:**

> Just an alternate verse with my usual characters. The characters in this story are from a  
> mixture of all the ideas I have including a few I’ve shelved.

 

**Dex**

People tend to consider my mother a saint for taking in a large group of somewhat”difficult” children, and it annoys her quite a bit when she hears it.   At one event she told them that she had actually had some old books of forbidden magic and jar of toad’s blood up in the attic.   They all thought it was hilarious, and I wasn’t quite sure, not that I wanted to, how I would tell them, well…

She wasn’t joking.

I found out about Mum’s illicit hobby when I was under ten years old, I suspected that there had to be a reason that the rest of the family ‘politely requested’ that she take over in an overseas branch of our company , and cut off contact with us.  To be honest I had always gotten the impression-not that I shared it with people- that Mum was something of a problem child.  She did what she wanted and it seemed like she went about as if she were above the rules.   “Above the conventional norm.” as she put it.   It didn’t surprise me too much that she finally went too far.

I just wondered what did it.  I found out one evening when a storm knocked out power in the house.  Normally the basement was Mum’s ‘private place’, forbidden to me or the other children (only three at this point) but the power had gone out and after I checked around the only possible place it could be was either outside (Yeah.  I don’t think so) or in the basement.   

The taxing situation wasn’t helped by dealing with three early primary school-age children, one of them being my very mischievous ‘brother’ Shiro. At this stage in his life, he was an outspoken , spoiled little brat when he wanted to be.  He was instigating while Cam reacted in her normal way, by hitting things (and occasionally him).  The youngest whimpered and stuck to me-the one armed with a flashlight that would scare the monsters away- like one of the obnoxiously colored stickers spread around the playroom.  It was up to me to take charge and do something. 

I handed the little one  a backup flashlight and told the other two under no uncertain terms that she was to be in ‘charge’ of holding it (young children always like to feel like they’re being given responsibility or importance) .  Before I left I assured them that I would be back in only a moment and I would turn the lights back on.   I left them briefly and headed for the basement, telling myself I was just going to switch the lights back on.  I pushed all anxiety to the side and dove in headfirst. 

Dealing with the fusebox wasn’t that hard.  I recalled a few articles in a rather large how-to book I got for my birthday a few years ago, my relatives always knew I was a brainy, curious child.  I could remember most things I read easily.  Finding things with only the light of a flashlight was the biggest problem I had, that and trying to keep my hands steady.

In a few moments the lights turned back on, and when I turned around to face the whole of the basement I was hit right in the face with a large dose of temptation.  There was a whole study down there.  I reasoned to myself that maybe…just maybe mother might not know if I just took  a peek. 

And take a peek I certainly did.  I made sure to recall just how things were so as not to let her know I was here.  The jars on the shelf were filled with some unknown liquid; I carefully took one off the shelf and looked at it.  It was dark red but just thin enough to see through, I unscrewed the top carefully to get a bit of the smell, as I tried to go through a mental compilation of all the chemicals I could recall.  When I got a whiff of it I was reminded vaguely of something.

A hospital room…yes, so maybe it was some sort of medicinal chemical used in hospitals.  It smelled strongly of metal but there was something else in there I couldn’t place my finger on.  Mum wasn’t a doctor, she was a corporate boss.  So why…

Then it came to me where I remembered this particular smell. 

I was in the hospital after my Uncle Toshiro’s accident.  As I waited, while Shiro played in the children’s room, some doctors rushed in with a patient, and I nearly got knocked out of the way.  As I passed a sickly sweet metallic smell, enough to turn my stomach hit me. 

_“Get us to the ER, he’s bleeding profusely”_

Blood.

It was a jar of blood. I was holding tightly to the jar with my stomach turning and inching its way into my throat.   A surge of something acidic rose up into my mouth, accompanied by a horrible taste.  I clenched my mouth shut and worked quickly to get the lid back on the jar and the jar on the shelf again.   Once I stepped away I opened my mouth again taking a few deep breaths.  I could have left then but I noticed the books on her shelf, they looked a bit old but well treated. 

I picked one up and read it hoping that I would find something to reassure me that my mother did not have ill intentions.  I did find answers but they were not reassuring.  I’m going to be honest; I didn’t believe in magic and to this day I’m no longer sure what to think. But my biggest worry was that were the police for whatever reason to find this room, my mother would hauled away.   I put the book back and looked through another one, and another still unable to take such a thing as real.  Sorcery was a thing that was found in stories, fairy tales. 

In the real world at least there was no such thing as magic.  Right?

I hoped it wasn’t.  Mum was just wasting her time with a thing that would easily get her mistaken as a murderer.    Yes, that was why I worried for her.  I picked up yet another, small leather bound book and flipped through it.

It was written in my mother’s jagged cursive.  A few “recipes’ here and there, a to do list.  Looking over her lists of things to buy at the grocery store took a whole new meaning.   It was astonishing to think that some spices, a bit of rare meat, and some chemicals could come together to make a potion.  At least it explained what she did with all the garlic that she bought and why she continued to buy it after I told her that I couldn’t stand the stuff.   

I also found a few passages of notes to herself.  A bit like a sort of diary.

One of them dated from about four years ago. 

_Note to Self:  Sophia is busy (again) must watch little one next week._

_Church meetings-Monday, and Wednesday.  Charity Dinner –Tuesday.  Homeowner’s Society: Thursday._

_The child needs more meat; the rabbit food his mother is feeding him is not fit for human consumption.  If she can’t be bothered to actually parent him, then I shall do what I think is best when watching him. If she wants to champion a cause so badly I would suggest reforming her husband into a useful human being._

She kept careful notes about her nephew as she watched him, tying any and all flaws back to his parents.  From what I could recall, I would admit she had fair points about my uncle.  The man was often bitter and cynical towards the world, patronizing to his wife and rather rude to Mum about how she raised me.  He denied he had a problem but it was clear that for him alcohol, his job and his status were all that mattered in the world.  One might wonder why, if his status in society was so great, he was so driven to the bottle to deal with it.

He became angry- irate even-once when his son preferred to follow Mum’s orders to his. It was hard to forget the memory of him dragging the boy off wailing, and saying that his boy would “thank him one day for a proper upbringing.”  

The relationship between them soured more when Aunt Sophia hired a nanny for her child and stopped talking to Mum.  Mum responded to her with “Fine, but don’t blame me when your way of living or your husband is the death of you.” 

I quickly stuffed the book away when I heard a commotion upstairs.  I started on the way out, knees still shaking but then went back quickly for my flashlight.  I walked in the kitchen to find mother standing there holding the backup flashlight and looking not at all pleased. 


	2. A Collection of Children

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter shows a passage of time, from the continuing of the incident in the last chapter to points in time before and after. The incident in the first chapter happens between the girls’ adoption and Toby’s. I changed the age Dex was in the beginning incident from 10 to 12 to better suit the timeline.
> 
> In this chapter he goes from age 10-18

**Dex**

I could have sworn at that moment I couldn’t feel anything in my body and my heart stopped beating.  But of course that’s anatomically impossible and if anything I probably just went into a state of shock.  I felt small beneath the furious gaze of my mother. The children were quivering behind her even though her anger was not even directed at them, and Gemma looked like she was crying.

“What did I tell you about the basement?” she asked.  It was the coldness in her voice that disturbed me the most.  Like she wasn’t talking to her child, but a stranger who burst into her home and stole her things.

“I – I was just going to fix the fuse box-” I started.

“I told you not to go down there!” she completely ignored what I had to say, “You obviously had flashlights so you could have sufficed until I got home, or maybe even called me.”  I looked down wondering why I didn’t think of that.  There was still a part of my brain that didn’t understand why it was rational of her to make such a big deal of not going to the basement.  But I also knew that her word was law.  I was a child she would remind me sometimes, and couldn’t understand the wisdom of adults, but I should do what they say anyway.

“It was dark…” one of the children whimpered.  Mum sighed and rubbed her temples and the other kids tried to defend me as best as six and seven year olds could.

 “Quiet.  All of you to bed while I speak with your brother.”She turned on them like a viper upon its prey.  They pouted and sniffled but Mum just glared at them until they retreated.  It was bizarre to see her like that, usually she doted on them. (Though she had spanked Shiro a few times.)Then she turned to me, and after seeing how hard she was on her ‘darlings” I was afraid to find out what she had planned- after all I was the actual transgressor here.  “Come to my room, Dex”.  I followed, tail between legs (metaphorically speaking) slowly over-thinking my reasons and her orders.  At first I had thought it was right, and she was being ridiculous but by the time we reached the door I was thinking about how I had completely and selfishly disregarded Mum’s privacy-and then judged her for what I found.  I felt like the worst son in the world.

The worst person in the world.

She ordered me to sit on the bed and started lecturing me about the importance of family secrets and the importance of being loyal.  She reminded me that if I said the wrong things people might talk, and get the wrong idea, and the police would come and take me and the little ones away-leaving her alone and labeled as a monster by the rest of the world.  This naturally did not serve to make me feel better.

“You may not always understand things I do, and as a child with such limited life experience you may not like or agree with them.  But it is of utmost importance that you hold your tongue and remember who you owe respect to.  It’s one of your responsibilities.”  She reminded me.  I nodded holding back tears.  Crying was a childish way of showing your emotions, fitting of little ones like Shiro and Gemma, and not someone who  was almost a young adult.

“I’m sorry.  I was just…I wanted to-“

“I know, you were trying to do what you thought was best.” She said,  “From now on call me if such a thing happens, or go into a closed room,  like the vacant one down the hall with the children and just wait it out. I will remember to keep a lantern, and more flashlights.”  The yelling was over, but the guilt still remained.

“Yes, Mum” I mumbled, looking down at my shoes.   There was a silence.

“So…now that you know….” She said. I bit my lip, in hopes of shutting myself up but the question flew out.

“How long have you been doing that…and why?  Even if it actually works, isn’t it kind of…well evil?  You have a jar of blood!” I bit my lip again and looked down again.

“Several years.  I found my great uncle’s magic books when I was a little older than you, and I studied them until I reached adulthood.  It was a valuable skill. “she said. “It’s only seen as evil because of the massive religious hivemind cropped up in the last few centuries.  It depends on what the magic is used for.  Evil and good are subjective. And that blood is just animal blood, drained after I prepared a rather juicy bird for your dinner.  Waste not, want not” Something within me squirmed at some of what she was saying.    She lifted my chin up.  “As far as I’m concerned, I’m just efficient in a skill that can protect and provide for my family.”

“Oh….I suppose…” I said uncertainly.  Her anger was gone now, as she held me close to her.

“Now, I believe I can trust you to keep this between us.  The little ones don’t need to know any of this.” I nodded in agreement, “when I’m away it is up to you to keep them away from the basement, yes?”  I felt a bit unsure. It had been no use keeping me away from it, and once they get old enough.

“I’ll try.”  I said.

“No.  You will.  Understand, Dexter?  Right now you, my dear, are my right hand man.  I knew since you were small that you were made to stand by my side; bright wise beyond your years and highly capable of anything.”  Her words lifted my spirits a little.  “So no more of this moping nonsense. When we leave this room, I expect you to dry it up and be ready for a busy day tomorrow.”

After that, for the longest time little was said about the magic thing, I still struggled with it and disagreed sometimes and for that I felt bad.  I had no right to judge my mother for her pastime.   I eventually put it to the very back of my mind, and let go of the knowledge.   It very nearly worked , though I couldn’t completely forget I could ignore the memory.  Because soon after there was a new challenge given to me.  Managing Mum’s ever-growing need for children in the house.  

She started by , well to be completely accurate she started with adopting Shiro after our aunt and uncle died.  That death led to our relatives’ ‘polite’ request that Mum go work overseas.  Mum, naturally knew exactly what was going on.  She had been essentially exiled from the family.   For a short time she was furious about this , and she often complained about it to me , about how she had done nothing to deserve it. “They never really understood me,and of course the moment something happened they jumped on to make me a scapegoat.”  

We moved to New York getting a very nice condo - for a scapegoat she certainly still had a lot of money.  Shiro , in light of Uncle Toshiro and Aunt Sophia’s death  was coping as well as a small child knew how.  Large screaming tantrums happened once a week at least.  Soon after he would attempt to make up for it by being unusually affectionate and thoughtful.  I always got the feeling Mum wasn’t satisfied with being “Aunt Kagami”.  She would often try to redirect him when he started thinking about my late relatives.  She always said it was to avoid tears.  

The other difficult matter was eating.  Or rather eating meat.  Aunt Sophia had been staunchly against the eating of meat for various  reasons rooting in various abuses of logic.  While on the other hand Uncle Toshiro encouraged it , thinking it would make his son grow into a ‘proper man’ .  Both arguments were utterly idiotic and their insistence on it made for terrible parenting.  Essentially one parent would push  him in one direction only to get disapproval from the other.  So now the matter of eating meat was fraught with complication.   I decided that in order to help him figure things out, it would be best if he wasn’t pushed one way or another.    Telling Mum this might be difficult though because, well she didn’t like to be told to relinquish control. She gave it a try though, much to my surprise, and let the boy make up his own mind.  He decided that he didn’t want to eat meat in the end and we developed a diet plan for him that avoided it.  Plenty of nuts,  peanut butter and a few beans every so often.  

Mum decided after a little while to seek therapy for him.  I had no idea why, since she took offense at being told how to parent.  She clashed with the first few doctors after being corrected , but for reasons beyond me kept on searching.  She didn’t stop until, by a stroke of unbelievable  misfortune, we found Dr. Levine.  

Mum called him up first  to schedule an appointment, and they talked for an hour. What about, I have no idea.  All I knew was that Mum seemed certain that this doctor was the one.  The day we went to that appointment, Mum  strangely decided to drop me off at the library nearby.   I insisted that I wanted to go along and she scolded me for being difficult, but relented and allowed me to come along.  She went out of her way to see to it that Shiro was completely happy and comfortable in every way.  She made his favorite breakfast - a yogurt smoothie and allowed him to bring along a toy.  

The trip wasn’t terribly long, at least as much as I expected.  Dr. Levine worked in a plaza in a good part of town.  Mum informed me that there was a nice bookstore very close by for me to go to.  There was “no need after all for me to  go into the session and it would be boring to wait.”  Her sudden insistence on my exclusion was making me uneasy.   We waited a little bit in a waiting room filled with a few parents  reading magazines and lecturing sullen-looking  adolescents.  In time a few of them came and went.  Shiro complained about having to wait so long,  at least until Mum handed him a little snack.  By the time we were called on, we were the only ones left.  The doctor himself came out to greet us and it was then that I started to get an idea of what was going on here.  

“...Kagami. “  The look in his eyes when he saw her was something I still remember .  Back then I didn’t completely understand lust and how it worked but when I saw the way Dr. Levine acted around Mum I learned how to tell when an individual was ..well...interested.  “You made it , all right.  Good. “ My impression of him was colored from the start because of this. He didn’t have anything about his appearance that had any kind of negative connotations.  He looked like any other lean, well dressed  fellow in his forties with glasses and slightly graying hair, but whenever I saw him I thought ‘sleaze’.  

“Thank you.  It’s good to see you in person.”  Mum replied.  To my shock and slight disturbance,  she seemed to be acting toward him in a similar manner.  Now, I have little to no memory of my father or how he and my mother acted with one another.  I’m guessing by the fact that he left , never contacting her again that it was , well,  negative.  But I hadn’t really seen my mother with someone she had affections for.  (I had seen her being extremely nice and friendly with a man before.)   As the two adults made small talk and references to things they spoke of on the phone that I tried to figure out, Shiro was confused and frustrated.

“I thought this was supposed to be about me?” he pouted.  Both adults looked surprised and amused by the tactless interruption .  

“Ah, indeed.  Follow me.”  Dr. Levine said.

“Dex,  there’s a nice bookstore you might like.”  Mum told me.  “If you don’t mind.”

“Your mother tells me you read far above your grade level. ”  Dr. Levine asked me,  “There’s a large shopping center a few blocks from here, I think it contains a Border’s Bookstore.”  

“I thought that was a bit far....” Mum said.

“Oh not at all. “  The doctor said. “My son walks down to the shopping center sometimes and he’s only  a few years below yours.    You’d be surprised how far a child will go with the proper motivation. “

“Wouldn’t it be dangerous?”

“Not for a boy who knows martial arts, right Dex”  I wanted to squirm as he ruffled my hair.  “Don’t worry, it’s a very public place.”   Mum reached into her purse and handed me a small bundle of folded American bills.  

“You have your phone with you right?  I’ll call you when we’re out and we’ll all go out to eat. My phone will be on vibrate while we’re in the session.  If there’s an emergency call the police.  Be careful and don’t go anywhere with strangers.”  She hugged me close and kissed the top of my head before sending me off.  It wasn’t often that my mom showed trust in the police, or spoke of them highly- in England or the United States- so I was a little surprised.  I kind of wanted to stay to keep an eye on this doctor,  but at the same time I felt angry and uncomfortable watching the flirting between the two.   

“Yes..see you then Mum.”  I didn’t say a word  to Dr. Flake.  

The walk to the Borders was, well not as long as Mum would have thought, but not nearly as short as the doctor made it out to be.  It was a bit alarming to imagine a child younger than me walking all this way.  Perhaps that should have been a warning to Mum that her new friend might not be the expert on children he thought he was.  I  didn’t know exactly what I was going to do with the money Mum gave me.  I felt a tad guilty accepting it.  It was a bit much to give a ten year old after all.  Though, to be fair we still had enough money that $30 was like loose change.    I spent the entire time plucking out books to read  on programming, science, and psychology.  Maybe I could figure out exactly what kind of ‘therapy’ Mum was doing that she wanted me so far out of the way of.  A few people passed me and one stopped to gape.  

“You seem a little young to be reading that.  Need help finding the childrens section?”  I looked up and gave him a deadpan stare of pure annoyance...rather like that ones I had seen Mum give people when she felt they were being stupid.  

“I’m fine, thanks.”  I said. He  gave up and went on.  A few more people seemed to notice, giving me stares and doube-taking as if they couldn’t believe their eyes.   

“He’s going to be off to college in no time.”    I suppose the way I scanned the pages and went through the book might have given off the impression I actually knew what I was reading.  Truth was, I knew enough that a bit of it made sense, but a lot of it was very confusing, once I got farther into the book and approached certain subjects.   I went though the books looking at various types of therapies but many of them seemed odd or just didn’t make sense.  

I eventually got sidetracked in some other psychological self help books, inwardly poking holes in some of the ‘treatments’ I found.  A few were solid, but others, like “A Single Woman’s  Guide to Dating” were utter bunk.  (I was just trying to figure what Mum might see in the ‘good doctor’.  When someone looks at you in the same somewhat predatory way he looked at her, that should be a sign to start running.)  

I told myself it was an overreaction,  Mum had gone pretty long without seriously dating, she was far from being putty in the hands of a man.   I gravitated  to the adults fiction and had just gotten into the good part of a suspense novel when I heard the ring of my cell phone.  

“Mum?”  

“Dex, dear where are you?”  

“In the adults fiction.  Are you coming in?” I asked. I could hear her chuckle.

“We’re right outside, love.  How do you feel about Red Lobster?”

“...um fine I suppose.  I know Shiro doesn’t eat meat-”

“Doesn’t matter.  He’s rather tired after the session, I’ll just let him sleep on my lap”  That made me wonder.  What on earth was done to make such an energetic little boy tired enough to miss a meal out?   I went and met her outside.  Shiro was out.  He was curled to the side avoiding looking at people like he did when he was in a mood.  

“So....how was it?”

“It was fine”  she said.  

“Why is Shiro so tired and....uh...apparently cranky”  I said looking back. She sighed .

“Therapy isn’t always easy , Dexter.It was emotionally exhausting and he’s such a little thing, he needs his rest.”  

“I suppose.” I shrugged.  We drove to Red Lobster and Mum got us a room in the section for private parties.  I was a little shocked, why did we need a private room?  As we were led away Mum just gave me a look saying not to question her. As  the server left I started to say something she brushed me off.

“There was no one in there anyway. Now do you want me to buy your meal or not.”  I nodded and started looking at the menu.  I avoided the children’s menu.  Sometime a few years ago, I decided that kid’s meals were too childish for me.  Shiro continued to sleep on Mum’s lap.  I was no expert on children but I had never seen him so lethargic before.  I didn’t ask because I had learned that if you pressed Mum she could get very nasty.   “Is there anything you like?”  

“erm….I’ll take the handbattered fish?”

“Mmm...sure you don’t want to be a bit more adventurous? “ I hesitated but shook my head.  “Very well…”   When the  waiter came to take our order i watched Mum quietly, wondering if she was going to order for both of us like she had in the past.”  

“I’d like the King crab legs….what would you like, son?” I faltered as the server looked to me.

“Ehm...hand battered fish please.”

“Are you sure you wouldn’t like to try something on the kid’s menu?” I shook my head noticing Mum looked displeased. I didn’t want her to start  something. “That seems like an awfully big meal for you”

“No thank you, I’m fine.” When he left Mum made a noise of disdain.

“He had no place asking you such a thing. Why do you just lie down and allow people to walk all over you, Dexter?  You’re better than that”

“It was just a question.”  I said.  “so….are we going to be a choosing a new doctor?”

“No, I’m quite pleased with Fredrick’s work actually.” Just what I was afraid of.  “Dexter.  I know you don’t like the idea of your mother being interested in someone, but-”

“It’s him I don’t trust. He seems predatory.”

“Dexter please” Mum rolled her eyes, “He’s a respected medical professional.  You’re a young boy, anyone who gets near your mother is predatory.”  Her tone made me want to slide down in my seat in shame. Maybe she was right. I was trying to over protect her.  

“I’m sorry Mum”  At some point the server came back and left us some sort of rolls or scones….I think they called them biscuits over here.  He left us some butter and got out of there just as quickly.  I noticed Mum looking after him but ignored it. I didn’t want to think about whether or not she was scheming maybe so I could claim innocence of it.  She took one and tried a bit of it.

“Hm...it’s actually quite good.”  There was a little groan and with  a little whine Shiro poked his head up.  Mum tried to convince him to go back to sleep  but I had a feeling he would wake up again.  It’s not like it’s  easy to sleep in a restaurant.  When the food was delivered to us Mum seemed to get over her gripe with the server.  She didn’t show any obvious hostility toward him.  But as always  Mum is unpredictable about these things. I could only hope for the best and hope she had the good sense to pick her battles.  

Part of the way through the meal Shiro did indeed wake up again.  He actually sat up a little which was a relief.  It had been worrying me to see him so out of it.

“Dex, dear could you give him some of your chips?” She handed him one of the small plates we had been given and I handed over a large handful of chips which I probably wouldn’t have eaten anyway.  She gave him one of the biscuits, making a small meal.  

“Thank you, Mummy”  My insides felt suddenly cold and heavy , like a big knot of discomfort had been tied with them.  Why was Shiro suddenly calling his aunt ‘mother’? Mum of course paid no heed to it, like she would, but continued to shower him in coddling affection.  She was acting as if Shiro were her son. Suddenly I started to feel ill  thinking about her sudden desire to go out and eat, and the strange therapy session that left my little cousin  so tired. This meal was a celebration,  somehow she succeeded in claiming Shiro.

“Dexter...are you alright?”

“I have to use the toilet…”  I got up and made my way out of the room  in search of the restaurant’s facilities .  The knot inside of me grew tighter and heavier.  When I found them I shut myself in and leaned against the stall door. She and that doctor did something with Shiro’s mind. The weight inside me double in size.  I dreaded her asking me about my reaction. What if she got angry with me?  I often found that her being angry towards me no matter how minorly always left me feeling empty and useless, like a failure.  I could not be happy until she was satisfied with me again.   I felt a bit dizzy. and there was a buzzing in my head.  

Why couldn’t I have stopped something like this?I Obviously that’s why she didn’t want me close.   I wondered just how long she had been planning this. I waited there a little longer.  I realized I had to go back, and the longer i stayed here the more suspicious she would get.  I was already in for it as it was.   I splashed some cold water from the sink on my face and then hurried out.

When I returned Shiro had eaten half of his ‘meal’ and was resting on Mum’s lap again. mum gave me a stern look.

“What was all that about?” she asked.

“I had to use the toilet, I told you.”  I sat down.

“Please I’m not stupid, so don’t try to fool me.” she said, “We’ll talk about this later.” I finished what I could of my  food.  When the server came back one more time she asked about getting a dessert in a to-go box -for Shiro I assumed- and the check. When we left, I was told to carry my to-go box and the dessert while she carried my sleeping cousin out.  I noticed she gave a rather poor tip.

On the way out,  she stopped by another employees and to my dismay , made a complaint about our server and his ‘rude manner’ .  I didn’t want her doing all this, but I knew she would just guilt me telling me it was on my behalf.  The poor man just asked a question, probably doing as he was trained to do.

She left quite satisfied with herself, it seemed.  

Before I could say anything she just said to me “if you’re not going to stand up for yourself then _I_ will.  I won’t have my son be pathetic and put upon. If you’re going to survive dear you have to fight back.”

“It’s called picking your battles. “ I murmured.

“It’s called letting yourself be a victim” Mum said . She set Shiro in his seat and buckled him in as I got in and set the to-go boxes comfortably aside.When she closed the door , I asked my question.  

“Since when does he call you mother?”

“Don’t be possessive” she said getting the car started.

“I’m not being possessive” I said. “He’s called you ‘Aunt’ all his life and now suddenly he’s calling you mummy’?”  Mum sighed heavily.

“When we were at the doctors’ we did a hypnotherapy session to deal with his memories of his parents, which were the cause of all the trouble he’s been having.” I should have known I’d regret what I was going to say next.

“and you just decided the best way to deal with grief is to erase the memory of the people who died?”  

“You and I both know that there’s more to it than that. Dexter.  His father was horrible to him.  His mother was a nutcase .  Neither of them were good for him.  Now don’t you dare assume that you know better than I.”  I couldn’t argue with that so I just stayed quiet. We had almost made it home by the time I worked up the courage to apologize. Mum accepted grudgingly.  She was still mad at me.  

The evening passed quietly.  I stayed to myself and read the whole time  while Mum kept to herself and took her good sweet time forgiving me.  Shiro slept . Sometime that night she came to talk to me.

“I apologize for being so hard on you….I’ve been so concerned about him since we moved here.  The way he acted  after his parents died...I...wish I could have done something.  I could have stopped Toshiro, after all he was my little brother.  I didn’t want to risk the breaking up of the family by bringing it to light. It probably seems cowardly to you erasing the memory, but...all I want is Shiro’s happiness.  I don’t want him to spend most of his childhood with nightmares and reliving that period of time with a therapist.   It’s such a small period of his life after all...F-Dr. Levine told me there was a way, all it would take is a few follow up sessions and little Shiro would be fine. “

I still didn’t agree but in light of this , I felt it would be heartless of me to ignore my mother’s feelings for my idea of what was right.   I felt guilty for not being able to just accept it. Maybe she did want to mother him out of guilt.  I knew my mother was prone to being spirited and unconventional, but she wasn’t a bad person.   

“I understand.”  She smiled and reached forward to touch me

“I need you to promise me something ...don’t tell Shiro will you?  Think of him as your brother. “

“I promise”

As time passed on I tried to do my best to ignore the lie I was living with.  I convinced myself to just pretend Shiro was my brother and didn’t noticeably cringe when he called my mother “Mummy”.  There were a few more visits to Dr. Sleaze.  Mum would occasionally indulge both of us. She encouraged us to spend time as brothers, but never without supervision. It felt so wrong, endorsing this lie. Especially knowing that if it didn’t work it would cause Shiro even more psychological trauma.

One night when I was studying he came up and put a the Connect Four box over my  things.

“I’m bored, let’s play this”

“I’m busy.”

“Come on Dex, I want to play with you....” I sighed.

“Shiro I’m _busy_.” I knew that was a mistake as soon as I looked up and saw his eyes filled with tears.  

“You hate me don’t you? You want Mummy all to yourself.”  I sighed.

“Where did you get an idea like-” I looked up seeing Mum pass by watching the exchange. From the look in her eyes suddenly ,I knew _exactly_ where he got an idea like that.  I felt furious and hurt, that she would pull something like this and use my cousin against me.  She was playing with his feelings and mine just to teach me a lesson, even after I had promised.  But I knew by now there was nothing I could do about it.  Mum always won these games. She was always right, and I was always wrong. “That’s not true….”

“Why don’t you prove it to him, be his big brother.”

It was at that point that I ,reluctantly, took a part in living this lie myself.  

******

It took a handful of sessions and months and soon the lying became a habit.  Barely two months after this Mum started looking at some pamphlets about adoption.  She came to me with a crazy idea about adoption.  

“Don’t you think our life is complicated enough?” I asked.

“Why should it be complicated?  I have two sons and run a business like a dozen other working mothers.”  she replied rather cooly.

“Well uh what I mean is…..are you sure?  Three kids is a lot.”

“Please, in my parents day it wasn’t uncommon to see a family of eight.  Thirteen children was a houseful.”  

“Actually that would be a few decades before that. Probably their parents’ time” Mum rolled her eyes

“Don’t be clever with me.  People don’t like know-it-alls.”  I quickly shut up. “I think it would do Shiro good to maybe have some sisters. He’s getting far too complacent as the youngest child.”  

“Sisters….as in more than one?”  I asked.  She didn’t answer then. But in a month after a visit to a foster home, my mother became interested in two girls.  One was a year older than Shiro and one was the same age.  Shiro whined at first and had his bout of complaining.  It seemed now he was going through what he had accused me of and wanted to share his mother with as few people as possible.   

The night she left-a weekend night- to bring them home was the first night that she left me alone with him.  I was shocked.  This was quite a risk taken for her.  I guess she trusted that she could  count on me not to mess up by now.  That whole weekend he tried to have the last fun he could get away with.  

“I hope you’re not going to be horrible to these girls” I told him. He sulked but didn’t respond.  “Shiro, come on.  They’ve already lost their parents…..”

“But she’s my-”

“She’s _our_ mother….you remember how hard it was when dad left?” That was one if the first big lies I told him and I had to force it out.  By now it’s become far too easy for me to lie to him.  It frightens me.   

“I won’t tease them that bad.”  That was as good as I was going to get.  However neither of us counted on the fact that one of the girls would turn out to be an unholy little terror.  The older of the girls, Camille -who stubbornly answered only to Cam- had a temper problem and after the first time Shiro tried to tease her...well it would lead to her chasing him across the house with his own wiffle bat.  

Messing with Cam-and getting away with it was such a full time job that Shiro didn’t seem to bother with the more sensitive of the two - a quiet little girl named Gemma.  Mum had quite a good time raising daughters for the first time.  She would take them out shopping, even though Cam resisted dressing up for anything, and once even wore some of Shiro’s clothes.  Gemma appreciated the attentions and slowly came out of her shell.

I had to say I was impressed with my mother.  I had never known her to be a very patient type as used as she was to getting what she wanted right when she wanted it.  Shiro adjusted in time to having to share Mum’s attention.  He and Cam’s rivalry , which started out seemingly heated and violent slowed down to something of a rather vitriolic friendship.  It was partly in thanks to a particularly terrible temporary ‘nanny’.  

Now normally Mum disliked nannies for reasons only she and I would know.  She hated to relinquish control.   But at some point she was very busy between work and the demands and attentions of the elite class in New York.  Charity dinners, parties and events  that didn’t allow for the rowdiness of the younger ones.  I was thirteen at the time and offered to help, since I didn’t like them either but for some reason she decided to go with a nanny  and drag me along to her events.  

I think Mum only intended for her to be a glorified babysitter for a little while while she basked in the attentions of the wealthy class.  But the woman-Mrs. Hallister I think she was called- proved to have some will herself.  The children would grow to hate her in time.  She was rather old fashioned when it came to girls and boys and how they should act with one another.  One afternoon when we came home to find both Shiro and Cam in the corner I started to get the feeling that things were going to get nasty.

She didn’t let Gemma play with her barbie dolls because that involved undressing them-something that was indecent for a little girl to see (never mind that the doll was made for little girls in the first place).  She tried to have a stern talking to Cam about how she raided her brother’s closet. The days that I stayed home from a party would still be a headache.  I stayed in my room to be out of the way of the inevitable arguing.  

One night I had found myself interrupted when a shout came from beneath my desk “STOP KICKING ME”  I  looked below the desk and found Shiro  hiding clutching his foam disk shooter close to his chest.  

“Don’t hide beneath my desk then”

“Well it’s the only place the old lady isn’t going to bother us!”

“Us?”  I asked. Oh  wonderful.  “Exactly how many of you are in here?” I heard the door creaked and Cam poked out from the closet.  “Okay, _why_ are you in here?”

“Because we can’t even play without her coming in and messing up our games with her stupid appro-po-pi-teness!”  

“You mean appropriateness.” I said.

“Whatever!”  Cam said coming over and sitting on my bed. “She won’t let us watch cartoons and we can’t play-fight because she’ll come in and punish Shiro.”  Well, by some miracle she had stopped referring to him as ‘Stupid’.

“My hand, my ear AND my butt still hurt every time I see her.”  I raised an eyebrow him.  Maybe I should have a talk to Mum about this if it was that bad.  I didn’t want to see her get enraged, but if the nanny was hurting Shiro I couldn't allow that.   I looked to Cam raising an eyebrow “Shiro’s being punished and you’re not? I’d think you’d enjoy that.”

“Yeah well, it’s too easy.” Cam said , “and unfair I guess. besides I don’t want her thinking I need to be protected like some dumb doll!”

“She doesn’t get us….we _like_ fighting.” Shiro added. I looked between both of them. Cam didn’t seem to disagree.

“Well if you had told us this earlier we could have avoided a lot of concern.” The door opened and Cam scrambled back toward her hiding place. Shiro burrowed under my desk.

“Come out you two, stop disrupting your poor brother’s studies.”  

“I-it’s fine, they’re not bothering me” I said.  

“Well you need to study.” She snapped her finger again. “Out!”  As the two climbed out she turned on Shiro grabbing his ear.  “Shame on you for dragging your sister into this”

“But I didn’t drag her into _anything_!”

“He _wishes_ he could!”

I frowned a bit.  That was concerning.  I would definitely have to speak with Mum about this.  I got back to my work.  It wasn’t that long until Mum got back. Mrs. Hallister tried to tell Mum about the ‘mischief’ her ‘troublesome son’ had caused but Mum laughed it off.

“Please,  they’re only being children.  I shouldn’t think it’s alarming that they’re fond of their brother.”  She dismissed the woman and I started to say something.

“Er-Mum…” she turned to me, “I’m starting to think that the nanny has a bit of a partiality problem.”  

“A ..what?”  

“She seems to favor the girls and disfavor Shiro.”  I said.

“She’s just a bit old fashioned.  I’ll tell her to lighten up.” The next event  arrived, and since then I noticed Shiro and Cam spending quite a bit of time together without yelling or bickering.  Mum tried to talk to Ms. Hallister  about things and she agreed but I had  a feeling she wasn’t entirely sincere.  

I stayed to my room not sure if I wanted to see what the two had plotted, but eventually I wound up coming out to get some water . That’s when it happened.  This was very obviously and unsubtly  staged between them, but then what do you really expect from a couple of first and second grade children?

Cam waited until Ms Hallister was in the room and smacked Shiro in the shoulder with a wiffle bat. He snatched it away  and gave her a hard jab with the toy he was holding.  That was when the woman got up grabbing him roughly by the arm and smacking him in the behind for “hitting a girl”

“HEY!” Cam stood up , “I hit him first, you crazy old lady ,why aren’t you spanking me!”

“He should know better than to hit a girl, young lady”

“I don’t need your protection!  Just because I’m a girl doesn’t mean I can’t stand up for myself. If anythin’ he ‘s the one who could use protection from ME most of the time.” Immodest, but certainly not lying. Gemma came over to me and clung to my leg.  Cam got her wish for punishment, both children were separated and put in timeout. When Ms. Hallister told  Cam she could get up first , in a true display of pure stubbornness she remained in the seat until Mum got home.  

“What happened here?”  Cam got up from her time out seat.

“Me and Shiro were messing around and she only came in and punished Shiro when he poked me.  Favoritism!”  Mum raised an eyebrow.

“Never  thought i’d hear a child complain about _receiving_ favoritism,” she commented wryly.

“It makes the fighting no fun when he keeps getting punished for it.” Cam said, “and besides, we still can’t watch cartoons, and Gemma can’t play with her barbies because according to that lady a naked barbie doll is offensive-”

“It’s inappropriate because nudity is inappropriate for a child’s eyes” Ms Hallister snapped back.

“...Barbie dolls don’t even _HAVE_ those parts” Cam gave a dramatic sigh and eyeroll. Mum looked from her to the nanny to me.

“Is she serious?”  I gave a less obvious roll of the eyes.

“Unfortunately, yes.” I couldn’t help the shiver that went down my body as I saw her turn her displeasure toward the unfortunate woman. “Where is my son?”

“H-he is serving his punishment.”  She said.

“Where is he?” Ms. Hallister led them to the room where Shiro sat in the corner, moping.  “Exactly how long has he been in the corner?”

“Almost twenty-five minutes.  She spanked him too”

I will say this, I would never doubt my mother’s concern over us after that regardless of what  I knew about her. She turned on the nanny with a fire in her eyes that made hell look cold.  

“I do not care about your views , I do not care about what you were told about how to take care of children.  You are an utter idiot, and I would not trust you to look after anyone’s child and certainly not my own.  Get. Out.”

“But -”

“Your final check will be sent in the mail, I have your contact information.  Now. Get. OUT.” I have never seen a woman in a pencil skirt run so fast in my life. Once Mum cooled down all three of my younger siblings were at her feet in adoration.  Even Cam, who till this point had not shown much warmth toward any maternal figure since she arrived.

“You are awesome!”

“How much are you going to send her. Ten dollars?” Shiro asked.

“I’m not going to send her a damn cent.” Mum said.  

******

It wasn’t that soon after that-only a year at best- when Mum suddenly hungered for more children.  It was starting to alarm me .  I put the blame on some of the elite people she hung out with for giving her so much praise for taking on two adoptive children.  She randomly brought up to me the idea of taking in  a child that was “a bit more of a challenge.”

“You can’t collect children.  They’re human beings not stamps.”  

“I’m not collecting children.  Have I ever proven incapable of caring for you or Shiro or the girls.” Depends on what she meant by ‘incapable’. Capable surely.  But perhaps unorthodox in manner. “Am I a bad mother, Dexter?”

“No...I’m just saying you should be _careful_.” She , as usual did not take my warning.  During the summer she came home from a flight to England with a small boy with wispy black hair and blue eyes, and a bunch of papers.  It was the first time she lied to me about something, saying she was away on business.

So that was the ‘business’ she meant.

I sat back and said nothing while the other three crowded around her in excitement and curiosity

“Careful…. this  little one needs a little bit of space” The child in her arms was a very small thing in oversized clothing .  He looked down at the other children with wide fearful eyes and then removed his fingers from his mouth to give a loud wail.  Shiro , Cam and Gemma all moved back and Shiro put his hands over his ears.  

“Business….” I said. She shot me a glare.  

“The poor thing needed someone to take him in.”  The little boy was now whimpering clinging to Mum’s chest.  “He’s a jumpy little thing.”

“What’s his _name_?” Shiro unplugged one ear.

“HIs name is Tobias….Toby.  His mother and uncle were taken in by the police.  People wouldn’t take him because of their criminal record. They said he was a little behind for his age.”  

“He’s acting like a _baby_ ” Cam gave Shiro a punch in the arm. “He _is_ ”

“He probably can’t help it, dipwad.”  

“He can’t help it, so I expect you not to pick on him.  I know for a fact he is able to talk. I think he’s a tad overstimulated right now and needs to rest” With that she vanished down the hall, probably letting the new addition sleep in her room.  

Toby would prove to be a slightly more difficult child.  I hoped it would dissuade Mum from taking on any more kids as ‘projects’ and remember that they were in fact human bloody beings.  Toby could speak when he wanted to certainly.  He didn’t seem to want to for several days.  He just stuck by Mum  and shrieked at anyone who got close.

We discovered rather quickly that he was a biter, and was prone to biting people when he got nervous.  He bit Shiro for getting too close  and bit Gemma’s hand for touching a toy he wanted to play with.

“Well at least he’s an equal opportunity biter.”  Cam remarked.  I shuddered to imagine how our old nanny would have treated him being a boy and rather different.  He stumbled over his words, and sometimes would get frustrated and just shriek.  He would still throw tantrums, but they were different than the kind Shiro threw. Frustrated, perhaps at his inability to communicate something properly.  Sometimes he would wake up in the middle of the night crying maybe because he had realized he wasn’t  back home.  

“It’s _Dex_.”

“Uh-uh. Das wha’ I said.  Dexch.” I sighed and just gave up before he started crying or biting me.

“Dexch….fine.”  He gave a triumphant little grin.   

“Toby dear...where are you?”

“HEEEEEEERE” When she came in Toby gave her a toothy grin and pointed to me. “Dexsch!” I gave a little shrug saying that it was the best I could get from him.

“It’s good that you’re helping him, dear.”  She picked him up .

“Have you considered taking him to a doctor?” I said quietly.  

“He just needs to catch up and adjust.”  

“I think there’s more to it than that.” I said.  She left and came back sometime after.  I assumed that she put him down for a nap.  “So what were the circumstances? His home life?”

“HIs mother had a night job in the seedy parts of town doing prostitution,  and his uncle was cooking drugs in the basement. A lot of the people seemed to think his problems had to do with the drugs in the house.”

“I’d say that’s a cause for seeing a doctor if he has brain damage.”

“He doesn’t have brain damage.  He’s a very clever child,  one of the people who worked with him said he he seemed to be good with letter magnets. He could spell simple words and a few suspicious abbreviations. “

“Suspicious abbreviations?”

“He had a fixation on a book containing the periodic table of the elements.”

“.....at four?”

“He’s five.” My eyes widened.  

“He’s quite small for five isn’t he?”

“He had grown up in relative poverty,  didn’t get nearly enough food.”  

“I seriously think you should consider seeing a doctor.” She nodded.

“Well I didn’t want to say it around him as he doesn’t seem to like doctors, but I have an appointment lined up with Fredrick in a few weeks. “ I wanted to smack my face with my palm.  Not _that_ doctor. I sighed.  “Please I know you don’t like him but he’s brilliant.”

“Yeah, no hypnosis though, right?” At almost fifteen I figured out what Mum and Dr. Sleaze did to Shiro.  Which made me like it even less.

“ _Dexter!_ ”  I gave her a look.  I was already lying for her. “No . Just to talk to him a little.”

Toby was unpredictable.  Sometimes he would be compliant, sometimes he adored the attention Mum gave him, but other times he didn’t want anyone near him.

On one occasion he had a huge screaming tantrum and was biting everyone even Mum. She was naturally shocked at first when he lashed out against her. I had a feeling I knew what this was about. He was still adjusting and getting used to the idea that this was his home.  When he woke up at night, he seemed to be looking for his mother or uncle.  Having your parents arrested had to be quite a traumatic experience, especially so for a child with communication problems.  

Her rebuke and swift punishment knocked him out of it….though I doubt him being frightened of her and having a sobbing breakdown was what she wanted.  He retreated and went to hide.  He hid so well it took two hours to find him.  When we did, he had woken up from a nap he cried himself into by the looks of it.  He finally managed to verbalize what he had been upset about.  

“I wan’   _home_.”  

I knew it.  

Mum picked him up and held him close, and I took care of the other three while she comforted him.  I don’t know how but I guess whatever she said to him during that time really helped.  He was quite a bit more friendly to the other children and tried to play with them.  He started recognizing Mum as his mother shortly after that.  

“How?” I asked on the way to the appointment. Mum gave me a small mischievous smile.

“I look quite a bit like his biological mother. I suppose I just had to use that to my advantage.”  I noticed that she had been styling her hair in the same messy ponytail since the incident.  So she furthered her resemblance to his birth mother to further the association in his mind.  Clever.

Seeing Dr. Levine for the second time really didn’t help my opinion of him any. In fact it made it worse.  He acted superficially kind when talking to Toby but I overheard him take Mum aside. “He’s got some serious delays in the brain...you sure about this one?”  

“Fredrick, he’s a sweet and clever child-”

“-and possibly brain damaged”

“He is _not_ brain damaged, Fredrick.” I hoped this would make her see , make her realize that the ‘good doctor’ was a jerk  Mum wouldn’t stand for someone antagonizing her about her children.

“I’m just concerned, Kagami.” Mum came back into the lobby and  gathered everyone to leave.  Shiro eyed Dr. Sleaze with mild discomfort.  

“You’ll be sure to bring the  our little friend there in for another followup won’t you.” He said with a grin.  

“Perhaps.”  She picked up Toby and prepared to leave. He greeted her by doing some weird nose nuzzling thing at her chest.  As they left I heard Shiro grumble something about how Dr. Levine annoys him.  Him and I both.  Mum ignored him. “I think we should all go out for ice cream.”  

“YES”

“Can we get toppings?” Mum gave Shiro a bit of a warning look.  The trip to the ice cream place was pleasant, at least until Toby started having trouble deciding what he wanted.  When Mum started to explain he could only get one he started flailing his arms and getting upset.  A few people in line muttered and shook their heads and I felt like Mum was about to snap.  I asked her to give me  a moment.  I had been reading up on his symptoms and trying to get ideas of what was going on with him. Mum yelling wouldn’t help anyone.

I tried to take him aside, avoiding being smacked or bitten.  Keeping my voice calm I asked him.

“Toby, what’s wrong?” He sniffled something inaudible. “Calm down take a few deep breaths”

“I-I-I”

“Breath, you’re going to make yourself ill.” He slowly stopped crying, which was a huge relief.  His arms slowed down. “What are you upset about?”

“....I don’- don’- know wha’ta pick”

“You’re having trouble choosing?”  He nodded and wiped his nose on his arm.

“uh-huh”  It figured, with all those choices and the promise of a treat he got overexcited.

“We’ll probably come again another day and you can try another flavor.  Just make a choice for today.”

“...bu- I’ve never ‘ad any before.” he looked down at his feet.  When he calmed down  and we returned to our place in the line, Toby clung to me.  I noticed the people who had been muttering and shaking their heads were quiet.  I couldn’t help  but smirk a little to myself at that.  He eventually picked chocolate once he calmed down enough to make a decision. I got myself a simple vanilla shake.

When everyone went out to the tables outside to eat a woman came up to me and Mum.

“Is your son looking for a job?  Because I’ve been looking for a babysitter for my kids.” Mum  smiled a bit, I could see that she was enjoying this.  Any success of mine, to her was a success of hers. I started to open my mouth but she spoke before me.

“Your interest is appreciated but he’s very busy keeping his grades up.”  Of course, I was her’s and her’s alone.  I didn’t say anything about it because i didn’t want an argument with Mum. She didn’t even have to scold me to make me feel guilty for wanting to  abandon my job.  

*****

The next children that Mum adopted were, according to her, out of some sort of personal obligation she felt to someone.  It was, to her credit a couple of years after Toby  and he was quickly becoming ‘part of the gang’.  I had gotten Mum to read up on developmental disorders , so she could better understand Toby’s quirks.

I was a little surprised to find out that of all the people he grew on , it was Shiro who was in the past notorious for teasing, being impatient, tactless and wanting  attention and affection to himself.  I guessed it had to do with the fact that Gem and Cam had their own special kind of bond as sisters.  Shiro felt left out and wanted something like that for himself.  Though I suspect that Gem might have been responsible for softening him up and making him more sensitive. He tried teasing her a few times when she was new and was shocked at the tearful reaction to what he thought was gentle ribbing.

Also , once the girls reached some sort of understanding (it happened so fast, even I couldn’t pinpoint when it was that they grew from arguing over  different interests to finding something in common.), Cam was rather protective of her ‘little’ sister.   

Shiro may be a mischievous little thing but from my observation he didn’t genuinely want to hurt anyone-usually. He had a lot of energy .  Mum noticed and sometime between  Toby and the girls.  After a few complaints from teachers , Shiro was signed up for soccer. He did well in it and his grades improved just a bit.   

Toby  had a little bit of trouble in school behavior wise as well.  He was prone to being provoked into fighting with other boys, especially those who picked on him for his intelligence.  Not to mention a few kids found his penchant for sniffing toys a little weird.  He did poorly in reading but was good enough at math that he was often bored , due to a lack of being challenged.  When you could do math in your head , addition and subtraction quickly became boring.   This led to disruptions, which led to more trouble.  Mum didn’t like her child being labeled a ‘disruption’ or a ‘distraction’ or ‘difficult’  So she taught Toby at home, with my help.  We learned he enjoyed cooking.  Mum found it ‘absolutely darling’  but I secretly found it disturbing in light of what I knew about his uncle.

I think I had just turned seventeen when she came to me after getting some messages from our estranged family.  

“...are you okay” I asked cautiously.  “Good news...bad news?”

“I can’t believe it.  My God,  he was so young...only about forty. “

“Who?”  I asked.

“Elliott  Stryke  he was a friend of our family, I grew up with him.  “ she said, “According to Don and Aneska he just died  six months ago in a car wreck. Why didn’t they tell me sooner….”  

“Oh…” I nodded.  Little did I know that was just the start of it.  Mum made other calls around in our old community.

 It took about three or four months til she mentioned it again, and when she did she brought up a crazy idea . Apparently whoever this Elliott was he left behind children who had been sent into foster care.   “Are you _serious_?” I asked her when she told me what she was working on. Another bloody adoption.

“Yes ,  I can’t let his children grow up in  some horrible crowded home”  she said.

“Oh and our home is never crowded” I added sarcastically.  

“Don’t be that way.  I can’t believe I’m having to ask you for permission.”  She was _not_ playing this card on me.

“You don’t need my permission.  Go ahead, adopt them if you want to. I just think you should be more careful and not adopt kids on a whim.”

“I’ve been thinking very hard about this. “ I nodded.  “Don’t give me that look, Dexter.” The arrangements went on for about a month more.  For whatever reason, she announced that I would be going with her .

“But who’s going to watch the kids?” I asked. I knew her to be fairly particular about who watched her kids.

“Fredrick”

“.....the doctor? You want to leave the KIDS with him?”

“Why not, he has a son about their age,” I was starting to get concerned about how close she was to this man.  There had to be some kind of rule about not getting that fraternized with your family psychologist.  But we all know how Mum feels about rules.  “Look dear I feel like I can trust him, but if you’re right and he does do something, you can help me hide the body. He knows I won’t let him get away with laying one finger on them”

I was shocked out of my anger for a moment , reminded once again of my mother’s scary side.  It bothered me when she made comments like that because I knew she might get in trouble but I could never correct her so I just sat there feeling ill-at-ease and uncomfortable.  

The evening before some of the kids grumbled as they packed suitcases.  I watched, privately wishing I could go with them if only to keep an eye on the man around my siblings.  I helped Toby pack his stuff , following a list Mum made.  

“Kinn’I bring the Easy Bake?”

“No, It’ll just be for a few days” Deep down I knew that Levine-and maybe his son would tease Toby horribly for playing with an easy bake.  Going to the appointments and hearing him talk I had started to get the idea that the doctor had rather traditional views of gender roles.  “Shiro’s bringing some squirt guns and the paint splatter guns, I’m sure you two will have fun with that.”

I felt a little bit guilty for that.  I know I shouldn’t encourage his views but Toby was a sensitive kid and right now the most important thing was keeping him from being picked on more than he already might be by Levine’s kid.  I made sure to include a few of Toby’s favorite toys for comfort reasons.  If they got taken away from him by that bastard, I would make sure Mum found out and might not stop her from any violence she wanted to visit upon him.

We left and arrived at his house just in time for dinner.  I don’t know why I would have imagined him living anywhere else but a country-club community with a lavish house.  It was a surprise at first but it made sense.  

“It looks nice, really big  and sorta pretty “ Gemma said.  As the kids were dropped off, I fully expected Toby to be clingy but I didn’t expect it from the eight year old Shiro.

“Can I go with you….p-please?”  How much of his memory of the old home was left?

“I’m so sorry ”Mum untangled him from her and knelt down to give him a speech about how he needed to be a big brother for Toby.  “I’ll be back tomorrow night darling.”  

“But…” Dr. Levine put a hand on his shoulder.

“Come on Shiro ,  I know you’re tougher than this”

“Thank you for this”

“Anytime, Kagami. It’s no problem.  Ralph will enjoy having some kids to play with, won’t ya buddy?” A sulky looking teenage boy just shrugged as if saying ‘whatever’.  “It’ll be like a sleepover.”

“ _Dad_ “ the boy rolled his eyes and returned to his room.  Dr. Levine watched after his son with a look in his eyes that there would be words later.  

“We should be back sometime tomorrow or the next day.” Mum said. As we left Shiro was biting his lip, and I sensed , holding back tears.  I felt horrible leaving them in his clutches because I knew that once we left the ‘good doctor’ act would fade and Levine would turn to sneering jeers and orders to keep my siblings in line.

“What are you so moody about?” Mum asked as we drove away.

“I told you I don’t trust him.”  

“They’ll be fine. I know exactly how to deal with the doctor and I know he wants to keep me in his good graces. “  

We didn’t say anything for a long time just driving down the highway with me feeling more and more worried as we gathered distance between ourselves and the well polished prison that held the kids.  “Where are we going?”  

“Well they lived in Virginia, the home is in West Virginia.”  

“So , boy or girl.  What this one’s story?”

“They’re twins actually” Oh God.

“Twins?”  

“Identical.  I’ll be honest I was quite glad to hear that I adore twins.” I groaned quietly. Now she was going to want to dress them up identically and other ridiculous things. “They’re twin boys, Timothy and Gilbert.”  After a little while more of silence I decided to get it off my chest and ask the question that had been on my mind.

“So...you knew this guy, why is it so important to you to adopt his kids?”

“Because Dexter, Elliott and I were very close growing up.  In fact he may very well be your father.”  

“What…” I asked. “W-what do you mean may?  You don’t know who my father is?”

“There were two men I was with at the time and it was very complicated.  One of them was an older man who worked with our family’s company.  I was young and like many girls went through a phase of being attracted to bad boys. ” Then she said something that chilled me to the bone.

“I found one that broke all the rules and he made me feel like I had an equal,  someone who could finally understand me in a way no one else on Earth could.”The memories of how she was asked by the family to  work somewhere else...the strange calm she seemed to have when my uncle died...and the memory of the magic books in the cellar, it made me wish there was more distance between us for  a moment.  “But we were too similar and perhaps that’s what came between us. “

“and the other…?”

“Elliott.  yes, Elliot was the safe option.  A good boy , rather meek and often ignored by his politician parents.”

“...Our family knew politicians?” I asked.

“A fair few yes.  The Stryke family was full of them. Lawyers and politicians, nearly all of them. There was one disagreeable man who runs a funny little church. Elliott was always afraid of him.” I shuddered.

“He sounds like a cult leader.”  

“Oh I’m pretty sure he was.”  She seemed a tad too casual about it. “anyway, he when I found myself with a child,  my family scrambled to cover it up with a hasty marriage to him.  Quite romantic I had thought”  

Romantic?  A hurried shotgun wedding to cover up scandal seemed like the least romantic thing in the world to me. But who could understand how my mom’s brain worked?

“If it sounded so romantic why didn’t you marry him?” I asked.

“Romantic or not I wasn’t going to settle for a man who feared my success.  The boy was afraid of me so I called it off and just raised you alone with monetary support from my parents. “ Somehow I got the feeling that it wasn’t Mum’s success that had scared Elliott away.  “But I remained fond of him, still am to this day.  I hate the thought of leaving his children to be brought up in foster care,”  

I nodded slowly.  I still felt like she really just wanted more children to add to her growing collection.  But I wasn’t going to say anything about it.  I admit I was curious to meet my possible brothers.  

As night fell we had to stay at a hotel somewhere in Pennsylvania. I can’t remember where off the top of my head.  I do remember that night I had  a hard time getting to sleep thinking about what I had learned.  In my dreams I found myself in a house escaping the shadowy figure of the other man.  i woke up panicking and looking around the hotel room with the feeling we were being watched.  It took me a little while to get back to sleep.  

We were woken up and much to my dismay , I was hurried through a shower.  I had been quiet all morning , and at breakfast Mum was oddly- annoyingly -maternal asking me what was wrong and if I was feeling okay.  I  didn’t want to admit I was shaken by her stories so I stayed quiet. When our drive resumed, I requested to just listen to the radio.

“I was enjoying our bonding time yesterday”  Some bonding time that was.

Yet, still  we listened to the radio all the way to West Virginia until we stopped at a Walmart supercenter.  

“We need to get carseats.”

“Wha- why?”

“Because , dear, the twins are small,  I believe they’re about four.”   We got a few snacks as well on the way, because Mum was certain that the children wouldn’t be getting much food.  I suppose she kept telling herself that the home would be terrible to justify what she was doing. I was roped into carrying the seats. Perhaps I was brought along to be a heavy lifting mule.

It was something she could have prepared  ahead of time so I doubted it.  

We worked together to set them up - yes, right there in the parking lot.  Then we continued, with me giving some directions on her phone to where the home was.

It was a big house in the middle of nowhere. A huge yard  with a  rickety gate parallel to the road.  I could feel Mum’s disapproval almost radiating from her. I bit my tongue and said nothing.  We drove around into a bare cul de sac in front of the house. The driveway already had a huge van in it.  An older looking lady sat on the porch in a rocking chair.  She said nothing as we approached the door , though I nodded to her out of politeness.

She eyed me up and down seemingly not approving of what she saw.   Mum rang the doorbell, the rang it again. In a few moments a harried looking woman in  a long skirt and a white blouse approached holding a child.  She pushed the door open.  

“Come on in, honey.”  Mum came in , probably silently judging the woman.  The place was like a daycare center gates everywhere toys on the floor and children running about barefoot.  “Y’all are here about the Stryke boys, right?” Mum gave an annoyed sigh, and answered curtly.

“Yes” The woman set the small child she was holding-  a very young girl with curly pale blonde hair-on the floor to run off to play.  The sound of a man yelling from another room could be heard.

“I’m sorry, hold on minute there: she walked off to another room and yelled “THE PEOPLE ARE HERE , JOE” She came back and stepped over one of the gates scolding a child putting something in his mouth as she passed,  Mum folded her hands and looked around.  She murmured quietly to me.

“Heaven knows what these poor children have been enduring here.  If it were me I would have had it in the will to have the children sent to his father.”  

“ _Mum._ ” A couple of boys came in, both shirtless and in swimming trunks toting big water guns and shoving each other.  As the woman came back holding two boys with red hair and freckles , she rebuked them.  

“Go back out and play, yer drippin wet everywhere.”  She came over to us and lowered the two on the ground. “You got the papers dontcha?”

“Yes.” Mum handed over a folder and the woman flipped through it. She didn’t take too  much time looking.  “allright.  “  She took a moment to address the two small boys.  “You two be good now.”  One of the two seemed to be shy and hiding behind the woman while the other was quiet and looked distracted.  As I watched the two women talk I looked around and realized why I was brought here. Mum would have wanted to make me see why she had to adopt the twins.  

Personally it seemed very crowded and haphazard, probably not the best place, but not quite horrible either.  But what did I knew?  I never lived somewhere like this.  

“The older one doesn’t talk much, but when he does it’s pretty good for a boy his age.  Always stuck by his brother and didn’t want to play with anyone else. “

“I see. “

“The little one is shy, usually cries when someone leaves , follows his brother everywhere. These two are peas in a pod.”  

“Which one is which?”

“Erm….it depends…” Mum looked at her a little flabbergasted.

“What do you mean _it depends_?”

“They’re a little tricky to tell apart, look just alike. “

“Of course they do, they’re twins. Are you telling me you can’t tell them apart?”

“We have had three sets of twins , ma’am I’m sure their mama could when they were this little, but it usually takes a little bit of growing up for me.”  After a moment of meeting my mothers stare the woman shrunk back, “I’ll go get their things.”    She and a man came back with bags and immediately handed some large bags to me.

Things were tense after that until we left.  The shyer twin was reluctant to be held by anyone that was unfamiliar while his brother was oddly silent.  He only showed emotion as we were buckling them in and he  whined and fussed over the seat-belt strap. The younger woman ,the foster mother , lightly scolded him until Mum interrupted.

“Oh for fuck’s sake, leave the poor boy alone”  I hit my head on the car in shock.  Way to make an impression , Mum. The woman looked scandalized at that and her husband muttered something to her about ‘what kind of people ‘ we were going to raise ‘their’ boys into. Odd,they seemed pretty happy to hand the kids over when they thought we were ‘classy rich people’ .  

Mum just rolled her eyes and shook her head, getting in the car.  The things were loaded up and we drove off .  As we drove away I saw the older woman arguing with her daughter or daughter in law or whatever relation she was.  I wonder how much the children had been told about us and prepared for this.  The younger child strained to look backward,

“Have you ever been there before?”

“Oh yes, I visited them on one of my business trips.” So that’s why they weren’t a little more freaked out that someone had just come to adopt them. 

The children were fussy for the first two hours of the trip.  Then one of them went to sleep and the other eventually got bored and followed suit.  

“I can’t believe that daft woman couldn’t tell the children apart.  Come to think, she had avoided straight introductions last time as well.”

“To be fair it looked like she was caring for a dozen children at least.”

“Yes , it’s a damn good thing we got them out of there, imagine growing up in a place like that.”

“I suppose.”  I kept silent and watched the scenery from my window. Funny Mum would talk about overcrowded homes. As it started to grow dark my thoughts went to the other kids.   I wondered if anything had happened, had Levine screwed up yet?  I noticed that the scenery was starting to look familiar.  The state line to New York had to be close.  From the back seat there was a yawn.  

“Had a good nap?”

“...where we goin’?” The was some good answer dodging for a four year old, this kid might be a handful

“We’re going home, dear.”

“No...that was home….”  I eyed Mum watching how she would react.

“This is a new home.”  

“Again?” The boy’s tone seemed honestly curious , but it made the both of us exchange looks in amusement and surprise.  That woman wasn’t kidding when she said he was a good speaker for his age.

“Yes.  Only this time you don’t have to leave for a new home again. It’s your forever home.”  The boy nodded.  He seemed a little calmer than he had earlier in the trip, but I could still the the anxious mannerisms - finger chewing and scratching. “Can we get food?”

“You’re hungry?”

“uh-huh.  Can we get ice cream?”

“We need to get you dinner first.”

“Burgers ‘n Ice cream”  I didn’t doubt that fast food was something that he was accustomed to getting,  That and junk food. I had noticed  a few kids at his ‘home’  who were holding bags of potato chips and cheetos.  It was a quick easy choice to give children food you know they would enjoy, rather than fight with them over healthier food.

The younger twin yawned .

“Ice cream….I wan’ ice cream.”

“Can I ask you two a little favor?”  I looked warily over at Mum, wondering what she was doing.  “Can you tell Mummy what your names are?”  A bit quick to be asking to asking to be called ‘mummy’,  You haven’t even gotten home yet.  

“....is your name really Mummy?  Mummies are dead.”

“GIL!”  There was a stifled laugh of surprise and I tried to avoid looking at Mum, feeling she was glaring at me.  This kid was _really_ going to be a handful. “Don’t say that!”  

“Well fine...Mommy then”  I wondered how they would react to this but it didn’t seem to bother them as much as I expected.  

“ _Giiiiil_ you’re not ‘posed to say the d-word….bad things happen!”  

“Do not! “

“Do too!” Gil didn’t seem bothered but Timothy was in tears and flailing to hit his brother.

“Hands to yourselves boys.” Mum said, “Gil stop upsetting your brother.  and Timmy , dear, dead is just a word.”

“It makes people go ‘way …” Privately I wondered if the loss of their parents had anything to do with Timothy’s superstition over the word dead. Mum let it go and they calmed down by the time we reached the nearest McDonalds.  Timmy preferred chicken nuggets while Gil chose burgers.  They both got chocolate shakes.

It was night time again when we drove into the Levine’s driveway.

“Dis our house?”

“No , we’re just picking up your brothers and sisters”

“We got a lot of ‘em?”

“Sort of” I said “five”

“Oh…’kay ” Wow.  To most people five would be a lot. I suppose when you’re used to twelve or thirteen other kids, it isn’t that much.  Mum got out started unbuckling Gil and I got to unbuckling his twin.  Timmy clung to his shake like a security blanket

We didn’t even have to ring their doorbell.  Sleazeball was right there expecting us.  

“Well, about time,. You were a little on the late side.”  He smiled a bit (why is _everything_ he does creepy to me?) noticing Gil.  “Who’s this little guy?”

“This is Gil, my newest little one.”  I could feel Timmy drawing closer to me. I stayed farther back because I didn’t care to expose him to the clear inch of sleaze on this guy. But he still noticed and raised an eyebrow.

“Twins?”

“May I please see my children, Fredrick” Mum was giving him the look that said she was getting impatient. I relished in her moments of displeasure with him.

“Oh of course.”  He moved aside inviting us in.  As we came in he met my eye and noted the child I was holding.  Timmy drew back giving off all the signs that he didn’t want to talk. 

“He’s shy” I said. 

“Oh well that’s something that can be cured with a little therapy.” Mum rolled her eyes.

“Please, he’s barely four.  Just give him time.”

“Kagami, if you encourage it he’ll retain it well into adolescence and adulthood-“

“My _children_ , Fredrick” The sounds of talking had by the gotten their attention.  Toby was the first to attach himself to her and Shiro and Gemma followed after, Cam followed, though didn’t cling to Mum like the others.  Her clothes were spotted with paint flecks; _someone_ had some fun with the paint guns.  She looked at Mum and me. 

“Are these the kids you were talking about?”

“Yes, we’ll take care of introductions in the car.”  All the kids crowded around getting a good look.

“They’re so cuuuuute!” 

“They’re like clones” Cam gave Shiro a look.

“They’re twins, stupid”

“Like I said, clones” I noticed Ralph, Levine’s teenage son come from his bedroom.  He seemed to be going through a ‘punk’ phase, dark or grungy clothes, torn jeans and a constant ‘annoyed at the world’ demeanor.  He looked at his father with an expression of disbelief.

“More kids?  Is she trying to start a zoo or something?”

“ _Ralph._ “  The comment escaped Kagami’s notice, or she just decided to ignore it.   The kids were quick to get their stuff together and get back on the way home.  Toby stuck close to Mum the whole time.  Once we were on the road, and safely away, Mum asked

“So , how was it?”

“Ralph Levine is the worst person ever.” So that’s what Cam had seemed angry about the whole time.

“Worst person ever?  Sure he’s a jerk but I think there are some people in prison who would disagree, Cam” Shiro pointed out.

“HE’S THE WORST _I_ KNOW OKAY, SMART ALECK?”

“Geez you don’t have to yell” 

“SHUT UP! Right now you’re second on the list” One of the twins started crying and Mum heaved a sigh.

“Watch your temper, young lady” she said, “or you’ll be grounded all day tomorrow.”  In the backseat Gemma was doing her best to soothe the newest children.  It seems that they were bringing out her mothering instincts. 

“Mooom” Cam complained, “And _he’s_ not in trouble?”

“Shiro’s not the one yelling.” She said simply. 

“So what are their names?”  Gemma asked.  The older twin pointed to himself.

“Gil.”

“I believe Gil already told you his, and the younger one is Timothy. Timmy’s a shy, sensitive little one.”  Timmy was the one still shaken by Cam and Shiro’s argument.   I made a note to ask Cam specifics about Ralph when we got home, privately.

When we arrived Mum and Gemma showed the twins their rooms and Toby followed.  He had been sticking close as he could to Mum since we got home.  I noticed Cam unloading her bags and slipped in to talk to her.

“Hey, you said you had some problems with Levine’s kid…”

“Oh yeah….he’s a jerk.  Picked on Shiro until he blew a gasket and got him punished-“

“ _Levine punished him?_ ” All the worst possibilities flew through my mind. 

“He made Shiro stay in a room alone for a good while. Nothing too bad.”

“Oh.” I sighed in relief.

“Ralph picked on Toby a lot; his dad didn’t give a crap about it.”

“Did he pick on you?”

“Duh yeah, Prick didn’t think I could play paintball with him and his superjerk friend. Made fun of Shiro for picking a _girl_ to be on his team. “Well that was one suspicion I had confirmed about Levine.  Sexist, skeevy , and a self righteous armchair psychologist , what the hell did Mum see in this guy?

Cam didn’t tell me anything too alarming really other than that. 

“You don’t like him either do you?”

“Let’s just say I’ve known there was something up with him since I first met him. “  Cam nodded.

“Well there must be something up with him if _you_ don’t like him” she said.  I was a bit stunned by that.  So far every time I brought up concerns I had been dismissed as a “protective son”.  But then again come to think many of the kids seemed to be neutral or annoyed and uncomfortable about Dr. Levine. Gemma was always very shy and soft-spoken when he talked to her, even to give compliments.  Shiro was irritated by any and all of his suggestions and cringed when Levine ruffled his hair and then griped to me for ten minutes about Levine messing up his hair.  Cam would glare at him every time he came near. Toby was far more naïve and willing to see the best in people.  Levine, in my opinion, happily abused that fact. 

As the twins got used  to their new home Toby had the hardest time adjusting next to Gil himself.  There were a couple tantrums from both.  Toby’s was shut down quickly by Mum.  Gil took some time to learn that Mum was the absolute ruler of the household.  But he learned.  Timmy seemed to accept the fact right away.  I could peg it right now; he would be a people pleaser.  Even as when time went on, he came out of his shell a little bit, he still remained fairly mild in temperament. 

Gil was very particular about schedule and routines and like his toys in particular order.  He would cry or hit someone who disrupted his carefully organized manner of play.  His penchant for being an innocent little smart mouth amused me occasionally.

At one point in the late fall, right after Halloween, Shiro got it in his head to tease them about their red hair, and told them about how according to “some people” , gingers have no souls.

“You’d have to be an idiot to believe that” Cam remarked.  I was prepared to step in and give Shiro a little reminder he was going too far. But Gil’s response beat me to it.  The boy didn’t cry but shrugged.

“So ?”

“ _Hello_ , didn’t you ever go to church or anything? Not having a soul is creepy. ”

“Do you have one?” Shiro suddenly became flustered and indignant.

“Of course I do!”

“Prove it”   He had nothing to say to that and just stormed away, muttering about how they ‘ruined his joke’.  I couldn’t give him much comfort seeing as I was trying not to laugh myself.  Needless to say, Shiro never tried that one again.  He even grudgingly apologized to the boys (before Mum could find out of course). 

Mum seemed to have a good time with them.  She took them out shopping at the mall several times, and would buy them outfits that while not completely alike, matched somehow.  I was a bit relieved the first time I saw them coming back not stuck in identical outfits.  Mum was a bit annoyed about that. 

“Dressing twins completely alike is idiotic.  The poor children are already _naturally_ identical.  I’d much prefer mine to have a healthy sense of identity.” She said.

“If you say so.” I shrugged. But thankfully she was true to her word.   She encouraged the minor differences between the two.  Everything from favorite toys (Timmy liked artistic things while Gil liked toys he could sort and organize), to taste differences (Gil loved anything sweet while Timmy liked things involving nuts).  She seemed to develop a clothing system for them. Most of Gil’s clothes were green, blue and grey, while Timmy’s were red, yellow, orange and brown. 

For the most part, our family seemed complete, all of the children learned to, for the most part, live with one another, and they all had at least one sibling they had a close bond with.  I was satisfied, and Mum promised after she brought home Gil and Timmy that she would be satisfied.    But behind my back, that promise was broken. 


End file.
